So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about getting surgery to get a tummy tuck to get a flatter stomach. People are making me really think about it and tell me I have to really know whether I want to have more kids or not- I honestly don’t see myself having anymore kids because I feel like the first pregnancy scarred me emotionally so I am steering away from the whole baby on board idea. But since I’ve been on a few dates with Tank I can honestly see having another baby and maybe it wouldn’t be the same experience I’ve had the first time. Maybe with each guy it could be different/ if I find me a guy who actually cares and loves me I won’t get treated like shit as I did the first time I was pregnant. I notice I keep holding on to the past and I gotta let it go- not every guy is the same as my ex and they won’t all give me a bad experience in babies and pregnancy. Whether it’s Tank or Bill yum or even the new guy or none of these guys…. I need to stay open minded not to compare the past with the present and future. I need to open my mind and heart to the possibilities that hey I am still of birthing age and hey maybe having a brother or sister for my daughter in the future wouldn’t be so bad. So I guess tummY tuck you will have to wait until my eggs are all dried out and no more.
Not sure wether or not there would be so many sexcapades on here. I’ll deff post some older ones that I haven’t posted yet-
but I think I’m at the point where I’m getting to know the guys by dating And less and less sex type things.
I want a good guy and i want to have someone to call my own
so I gotta stop the sleeping around and hookups that don’t last.
So not sure how many followers wanna read about finding love versus sexual stories- but Sierras Sexcapades is turning into something a little different.
Many of my blogs will be about my search for love and will be more of a dating search and find versus sex experiences.
Maybe I’m maturing and growing up so my blog is changing with me.
Hope you guys continue to follow and check out my blogs.
My explorations of dating and finding love.
This will be a blog within a blog-
Enjoy and stay tuned.
Yay I received the email from my lawyer I have been waiting on for the last 4 years now. My ex signed the documents finally and on December 29th he will receive the final notice to divorce documents.
Yay i am so happy
I can finally be free from his control
And start living my life
So here’s the tricky part in this situation though… so I’ve been hiding behind the fact that I’m not divorced to start a real relationship with a guy I like and now the divorce is almost here and in actually scared to death that now I’m expected to just be okay and normal to jump all in.
Honestly I think I have some commitment issues that I need to sort out in therapy and need more time on this even though the divorce is now literally around the corner.
I don’t know what I should do
If I should just say fuck it and try a relationship I don’t think I’m ready for or wait till I get more help on this matter.
Wondering if my mind actually overcomplicates things and blows them way out of proportion. Maybe I should take it one day at a time as I always do with my Life and see where it goes.
I’m just so happy that the final divorce decree will be in my hand soon.
So I haven’t talked to much about the fact that I am sorta married still- but my divorce to my abusive ex has been pending for quite longer than I have expected.
It’s actually going on close to 5 years now and I’m still not divorced!
Yea every moment I thought I was closer to being free, but nope, not even close.
The relationship/marriage I had with a narcissist control freak was hell for me.
If you go read Rehatch that’ll give you an idea of the type of shit I dealt with being married to that guy so I won’t go into it too much.
But I met him through the Marines where it felt like he was my knight in shining armor. He came to me at a Time where I was battling a few demons and he seemed to push the demons to the side and brighten my day with his smile.
His smile soon faded and turned to anger which turned my smiles and laughter into tears.
We dated for about 2 years before I married his dumbass.
He was a psycho ready to snap.
He threatened to kill himself on multiple occasions if I decided to leave him or dump him and he was mentally, emotionally and then became physically abusive towards me. I couldn’t wait to free myself from him and the toxic relationship we had together.
There were times I wanted to kill myself because I wanted it to stop, I wanted him to stop. He beat me down to the point where I lost myself.
I lost my self confidence, my self esteem and self worth. I started dressing Raggy and bummy and didn’t feel like myself.
He controlled who I could see and where I could go. I was a slave within my own home.
I luckily wised up and grew up once I had my daughter and left that terrible man and home behind.
But to this day I feel like he is still tied down to me and I cant be totally free without the divorce decree telling him that I am finally free- that I won this battle!
He finally has no control over the fact that he can no longer call me his wife!
Which he still does, what a nut job, in the back of his mind he still thinks I’m coming back and we’re gonna be together. He tells my daughter that all the time.
So I am patiently waiting for this divorce decree to come in the mail any day now so I can walk a little taller around him. I can boast about the fact that I am a survivor. I survived his abuse and I was able to rise above.
That divorce decree means everything to me- it means my freedom. And it will give me my power back!
Just my thoughts.