So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about getting surgery to get a tummy tuck to get a flatter stomach. People are making me really think about it and tell me I have to really know whether I want to have more kids or not- I honestly don’t see myself having anymore kids because I feel like the first pregnancy scarred me emotionally so I am steering away from the whole baby on board idea. But since I’ve been on a few dates with Tank I can honestly see having another baby and maybe it wouldn’t be the same experience I’ve had the first time. Maybe with each guy it could be different/ if I find me a guy who actually cares and loves me I won’t get treated like shit as I did the first time I was pregnant. I notice I keep holding on to the past and I gotta let it go- not every guy is the same as my ex and they won’t all give me a bad experience in babies and pregnancy. Whether it’s Tank or Bill yum or even the new guy or none of these guys…. I need to stay open minded not to compare the past with the present and future. I need to open my mind and heart to the possibilities that hey I am still of birthing age and hey maybe having a brother or sister for my daughter in the future wouldn’t be so bad. So I guess tummY tuck you will have to wait until my eggs are all dried out and no more.
Not sure wether or not there would be so many sexcapades on here. I’ll deff post some older ones that I haven’t posted yet-
but I think I’m at the point where I’m getting to know the guys by dating And less and less sex type things.
I want a good guy and i want to have someone to call my own
so I gotta stop the sleeping around and hookups that don’t last.
So not sure how many followers wanna read about finding love versus sexual stories- but Sierras Sexcapades is turning into something a little different.
Many of my blogs will be about my search for love and will be more of a dating search and find versus sex experiences.
Maybe I’m maturing and growing up so my blog is changing with me.
Hope you guys continue to follow and check out my blogs.
My explorations of dating and finding love.
This will be a blog within a blog-
Enjoy and stay tuned.
So Bill yum is still in the picture and he’s my random dating guy- fuck me good- long distance lover guy- he’s still living far away from me and he rarely comes to philly to see me other than when he’s up here for Army weekends.
He messaged me today and sent me the most arousing sexy photo of himself in a towel that was half covering his body and covered up his male part.
Oh my lawd it caught me off guard and I was smiling and grinning from ear to ear also blushing. I text him back and tell him how fucking sexy he looks. He says he doesn’t believe me and doesn’t think he’s sexy. Yea right how’s he not know? I wondered to myself.
So anyway we are supposed to hang out sometime this month I think around St.Pattys day and im looking forward to it-
I’d really like to spend the night At his house again but not sure when I’d be back up that way- if at all any time soon.
I know it’s not gonna go anywhere with Bill yum but I guess I’m clinging on to the past-
idk maybe hoping for a future but not sure what the future holds if there is one for us.
These long distance things are the most difficult- I feel like even being like 30 mins away from someone is difficult cause you don’t know what they could be doing or who they are seeing. Take the situation with Don- he lives in a different neighborhood then me and I always felt like what is he doing or who is he seeing from the distance between us).
Or maybe that’s where my trust issues come into play and I just am on guard that any guy I am with is out to lie and cheat on me, so trust is hard for me to have.
When I think of an ideal boyfriend for me, he’d live in the same city and at least the same neighborhood just so maybe it would put my mind at ease a bit on the whole cheating thing-
but when you think about it if a guys gonna cheat- he will no matter how close or far he lives from you.
Just a rant of thoughts.
Thanks for listening.
So I met this other guy- we will name him Joe. I actually met him through being on Instagram together. And we just started texting and talking. I don’t know if this would go anywhere but I like to have my options open because why not?
I’m not a girlfriend to any man yet so I can date around and see who I am into and who could possibly be the one for me- or at least just someone to spend time with and have a little fun with.
Never really liked dating and found it to be quite difficult for guys to even approach me- but with the rise of social media sites I’m having better luck.
Who knows if the guys I meet though are genuinely nice guys or assholes- but I guess like they say, ” you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.” Let the kissing begin.
I do eventually wanna be cuffed and have a man all to myself- so it’s time to play this game and seek out a trustworthy good guy for me.
On to the dating world and hopefully not just fucking and sucking around.
Update I never took things further with This guy because for one he was too young for me and he was a bit annoying.
I think he just wanted the pussy and he came off to strong
So I have been talking to this guy Tank that I’ve talked about in other posts. And we have really good conversation so far- he seems like a cool guy, he’s well educated, has his own car, his own place, and has a really good job- all very good things about him.
He was my former platoon sergeant at my last unit and o always had a thing for him but never said anything cause I didn’t wanna jeopardize his position. So I waited till I was out the military to send him a message on Facebook and tell him that I was into him and wanted to get to know him more. He also told me that he thought I was a nice woman and was very attractive. He asked me to dinner the last time and that’s when I got nervous and never showed the first time.
So with the courage I got from talking to Tyrone I agreed to finally go out with him and we’re going out next Saturday for the first time.
I haven’t seen this guy in close to ten months so I hope it’s not awkward or anything. We talk pretty good on the phone together so I don’t think it’ll be too terrible- guess I just have that new date jitters.
I think maybe he can change things for me with guys. Like I know it’s a new thing we’re starting up but I hope it lasts a while.
As far as things with Don- he’s back in my life as a friend right now- have no clue where else it’s going to go other than that-
I’ve decided to let Don back into my life…..
I remembered all the good things that he helped me do and encouraged me to do.
The main reason I let him back in was due to something my friend Tyrone was saying about the guys I like and telling me about how people are set in your life for certain reasons. He also said be with someone who wants to better you and wants you to better you.
I always had a connection with Don since the first day we started to talk on Facebook and through the phone.
Then we had an even bigger connection when we met for the first time in person.
When we hung out tonight- all these warm fuzzy feelings came back to me-I think I may have loved him at one point- and it feels like those feelings were coming back- maybe they never left.
I missed looking at his mysterious brown eyes and looking at his sexy lips as he talked to me. I really missed our conversations.
We haven’t seen each other in three months and when we met up- we got right into our conversation and chatted for a while.
I so wanted to kiss him.
And my heart felt full when in his presence
It’s a crazy kind of feeling I have for him and when I am around him
I’m wondering if I’m falling all over again or if I fell for him before but always pushed away the feelings of it cause I was scared and made up every excuse to avoid being with him- like I always do.
So we talked about going the relationship route in 2017- and I said it sounds great! I jokingly said I have to work on me this final week and learn to just trust and not worry so much.
I also thought when in relationships you jump all in- but he said to go slow and go into it gradually.
I really wanna do this and I wanna have him in my life.
I know I have him in my life now but on a friend level- but I think I’m ready to have him on the bf level. I guess time will tell and I’ll see what my next move is.
Oh I told him about my sex addiction tonight and how I’m working on me and being celibate for a while until the guy I’m with is worthy of my good good. He said he respects it and won’t pressure me. He said whenever I’m ready for sex, is when it will happen. He also learned that I love being spanked and choked in the bedroom and I’m surprised he wasn’t to taken back by any of it. He actually told me he thought I had an addiction so he sorta already knew.
I’m ready to find and hold on to love in 2017- it’s my time to be happy.
So I haven’t talked to much about the fact that I am sorta married still- but my divorce to my abusive ex has been pending for quite longer than I have expected.
It’s actually going on close to 5 years now and I’m still not divorced!
Yea every moment I thought I was closer to being free, but nope, not even close.
The relationship/marriage I had with a narcissist control freak was hell for me.
If you go read Rehatch that’ll give you an idea of the type of shit I dealt with being married to that guy so I won’t go into it too much.
But I met him through the Marines where it felt like he was my knight in shining armor. He came to me at a Time where I was battling a few demons and he seemed to push the demons to the side and brighten my day with his smile.
His smile soon faded and turned to anger which turned my smiles and laughter into tears.
We dated for about 2 years before I married his dumbass.
He was a psycho ready to snap.
He threatened to kill himself on multiple occasions if I decided to leave him or dump him and he was mentally, emotionally and then became physically abusive towards me. I couldn’t wait to free myself from him and the toxic relationship we had together.
There were times I wanted to kill myself because I wanted it to stop, I wanted him to stop. He beat me down to the point where I lost myself.
I lost my self confidence, my self esteem and self worth. I started dressing Raggy and bummy and didn’t feel like myself.
He controlled who I could see and where I could go. I was a slave within my own home.
I luckily wised up and grew up once I had my daughter and left that terrible man and home behind.
But to this day I feel like he is still tied down to me and I cant be totally free without the divorce decree telling him that I am finally free- that I won this battle!
He finally has no control over the fact that he can no longer call me his wife!
Which he still does, what a nut job, in the back of his mind he still thinks I’m coming back and we’re gonna be together. He tells my daughter that all the time.
So I am patiently waiting for this divorce decree to come in the mail any day now so I can walk a little taller around him. I can boast about the fact that I am a survivor. I survived his abuse and I was able to rise above.
That divorce decree means everything to me- it means my freedom. And it will give me my power back!
Just my thoughts.