Posted in Counseling, Dating, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Help, Help wanted, Judgement, Knowledge, Life lessons, Love, Love making, Marriage, Military, Missing him, New relationship, Online Dating, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, Search, Single, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Blogs turning into a search and find. 

Not sure wether or not there would be so many sexcapades on here. I’ll deff post some older ones that I haven’t posted yet-

 but I think I’m at the point where I’m getting to know the guys by dating And less and less sex type things.

 I want a good guy and i want to have someone to call my own 

so I gotta stop the sleeping around and hookups that don’t last. 

So not sure how many followers wanna read about finding love versus sexual stories- but Sierras Sexcapades is turning into something a little different. 

Many of my blogs will be about my search for love and will be more of a dating search and find versus sex experiences. 

 Maybe I’m maturing and growing up so my blog is changing with me. 

Hope you guys continue to follow and check out my blogs. 

My explorations of dating and finding love. 

This will be a blog within a blog- 

Enjoy and stay tuned. 

Posted in Advice needed, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Counseling, Dating, Friend Zoned, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Help, Help wanted, Judgement, Knowledge, Life lessons, New relationship, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

New guy

So I like the idea of having a new guy in my life and I am enjoying the feelings I get when I start talking and getting to know someone new. 

But do any of you ladies or gents, feel like you should keep the way you might feel about the new guy/girl to yourself, in case they turn out to be the opposite of what you hoped they’d be? 
So I’m asking this because the other day in a group text with my sister and gal pal, I am explaining to them about the new guy and how he seems nice and genuinely like a good guy. I go on and tell them all these good things about him and how he does this or that or how he wants to take me here or there. But I wonder in the back of my mind how truthful he’s being. I am on guard that these things he says aren’t truthful and I’m on guard for him to just see me once and not continue. 
Does anyone else fear or worry that the new guy or person they are interested in seeing will flip the switch and be someone totally different? 
I told my sister That whenever I tell people about a guy- the next week or so later I’m out of liking the person or trying with them due to something they did to not make me interested anymore. 

So wondering if this always happens, if I’m not the only one dealing with a scenario like this. 

Comment please if you ever dealt with anything in this blog, so I know I’m not alone in this. 

Posted in Advice needed, Army, Bye Bitch, Dating, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Help, Help wanted, Jerk, Life lessons, Loss, Military, Pros vs. Cons, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

Pros vs. Cons

Pros vs. Cons of continuing dating/seeing Bill Yum:

Pros

Big dick

Great sex

Makes me oragsm- a lot! 

Makes my body feel good. 

Makes good moon shine 
Cons

Cheap

May be dating/fucking a lot more girls then he says

Lies

Doesn’t make time to see me

I’m always planning to go see him

Doesn’t make any effort

Dresses bad

Dry/boring personality 

Doesn’t talk about anything besides the military and his 3 jobs that I don’t care about

Every conversation is the same

Doesn’t actually take me out anywhere 

Just seems like I’m the occasional hookup 

Doesn’t text/call me first. 

I feel like I’m the only one trying to make it work. Whatever this is 
As I list these pros and cons I see the only pros are the fact that he pleases my body- my pussy and that’s all. Yea making my pussy feel amazing is great and all- but I want more substance. Not being able to converse with someone isn’t a good sign or any kind of friendship or relationship. I know what I must do now. Leave him in my past- where he should’ve stayed. I don’t trust him enough to believe that he’s only fucking me like he claims! So bill yum will just be a name in my past. I’m ready to get on to bigger and better guys who treat me with respect, who want to call me on the phone, who want to spend time with me and who makes the effort to come to my city to see me. 
What do you guys think of this list? How would you react? 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Asshole, Bye Bitch, Counseling, Divorce, Help wanted, Life lessons, Marriage, Military, Rant, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Final divorce notice 

Yay I received the email from my lawyer I have been waiting on for the last 4 years now. My ex signed the documents finally and on December 29th he will receive the final notice to divorce documents. 

Yay i am so happy 

I can finally be free from his control 

And start living my life

So here’s the tricky part in this situation though… so I’ve been hiding behind the fact that I’m not divorced to start a real relationship with a guy I like and now the divorce is almost here and in actually scared to death that now I’m expected to just be okay and normal to jump all in. 

Honestly I think I have some commitment issues that I need to sort out in therapy and need more time on this even though the divorce is now literally around the corner. 

I don’t know what I should do

If I should just say fuck it and try a relationship I don’t think I’m ready for or wait till I get more help on this matter.

Wondering if my mind actually overcomplicates things and blows them way out of proportion. Maybe I should take it one day at a time as I always do with my Life and see where it goes. 

I’m just so happy that the final divorce decree will be in my hand soon. 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Army, Asshole, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Dating, Dickhead, Help, Help wanted, Jerk, Judgement, Life lessons, Military, Narcissistic, Rant, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Confusion

So why is it that I don’t know what I want? 

It’s a constant battle with me

One minute I want to be in a relationship 

And the next I can’t stand guys and just want to use them for sex

Wondering if other women go through this constant battle like I do

It seems like I’m pushing away any guy who is trying to get close to me

Well here’s a new scenario 

So hot army veteran asks me out yet again at my job

I still was holding on to the fact that he rubbed me the wrong way the first time and rejected me…. 

so I did just that to him when he approached me:

He Walks up to me and asks me what my plans are for the weekend 

I reply with sweat pants and Netflix. 

Which to me is a great night! I love feeling comfortable in bed and I love to watch movies… this was my laSt weekend before classes start up again- so I wanted to enjoy it! 

He says do you wanna go see a movie with me

My reply what movie? Like any normal person would ask cause I won’t see just any movie

Then he gets all rude and upset due to my question and walks off 

After my response of I’ll let you know 

He sends me a long ass text ranting about how he’s not desperate and doesn’t need to go out with me. Then he rants about why I’m asking what movie?!! Dude really? I texted back it ain’t that serious and honestly I don’t think it’ll work us going out by the way his personality is so different then mine. 

This dude got mad at me over asking what movie he wanted to see. Go fuck yourself is what I wanted to say but I was nice about it- like I usually am to asshole guys. I exited that situation before it became a problem. He seems to have anger/control issues he needs to sort out on his own. And if he is in fact single like he says….. I now understand why- he’s a total douche bag! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

And it’s not even like he’s that good looking. Bye Bitch! 

Then there’s this second scenario with Don- yea Don still texts me and has been reaching out to me through social media once I went ghost on him for about a few weeks- ghost meaning I stopped texting him and contacting him all together. 

So Don texts me and asked about the weekend- I guess I had made plans to meet up with him but had totally forgotten about it. Saturday comes and he’s nonstop texting me. When are we linking up- I miss you- I wanna see you- 

The last conversation we had was me telling him that if we remain friends- no sex is involved because I’m working on me- and he said okay. But I know once I see him I’ll give in somehow and I’ll end up sucking his dick/ which to me is getting on my nerves… I would like it better if I got something in return but he seems very selfish and greedy about that. And hasn’t kicked my pussy not once the whole two years I’ve known him so it won’t happen! Anyway off topic.. so he is constantly texting me and I say I’m at a party- which I was but it didn’t last as long as I was portraying it to be. We were just texting so how would he know if I was still at the party or not. Guess texting has its pluses! So he sends another text around 7pm and asks how’s the party. I look at the text and lay back in bed in my sweats with my Gilmore Girls marathon on. If I don’t want to go out with a guy and I’d rather sit in and watch a hundred episodes of Gilmore Girls- I obviously don’t want to be with the guy. I told Don multiple times it’s not gonna work between us- but he keeps pushing it so is that my fault?? Why do guys get so hung up on females? I know he said I give the best oral sex but that can’t be the reason, or can it? I don’t know I’m just getting to the point where these dudes are irritating me. I’m contemplating switching teams for a bit and maybe having my first  girl on girl experience. I don’t know, I don’t think women would be any different then men- my lesbian friend told me it’s not different at all other than the fact of the body parts are different. You still have females who are controlling and narcissistic, and who are players and not faithful to the one they are with. 

So as I go along this journey I wonder if I will continue down this path of leaving these fuck boi guys alone and maybe dive into some pussy- ( no wait I would never do that! I love dick too much- I’ll have a pussy dive down on me! ) or just stay on this dry road of nothingness and just prepare for these sex toys to come so I can cum all alone by myself watching some pornhub. I can live my fantasies through the pornhub videos and go to other places with my vibrators. I won’t have to deal with an annoying guy giving me shit or feeling like they used me or having to suck their dick without anything in return. 

I like the sound of that. I will be doing that until I see my boo boo Monster in a week! I plan to have my pussy destroyed by him- which I know it will be because of his size and because of how long it’s been since I’ve had any penetration. 

Getting aroused thinking about it. 

What do you, my readers think about my scenarios I just shared? 

Maybe I’m just fed up with guys treating me like shit so I push them away! Maybe I’m finally growing in that area and seeing the red flags beforehand. Please leave some comments to this. 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Arousing, BDSM, Counseling, erotica, Hardcore, Help, Help wanted, Kinky, Masturbate, Orgasms, Porn, Porn star, Realistic, Sex, Sex toy, Submissive, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Vagina, pussy, penetrating, Vibrator

Pandora’s Box

So I forgot to tell you guys about Friday guys friends that I met. They are big freaks! And it’s kinda funny felt like fate that I was supposed to meet them! 

So we’re chatting it up and the beers and shots we’re going down way to smooth

By the third shot I’m blabbing about sex and how I like to explore and all this other nonsense the sober me wouldn’t say as loudly to people I just met like an hour before

So the girlfriend of Fridays friend marko starts telling me about her submissive lifestyle and how she got her bf marko into it

She told me about different websites to search for doms and how to do this and do that

I was intrigued

And a bit aroused

Very curious

She seemed like a cool chick 

Like she’d be a lot of fun to hang out with again

Then when she left to use the bathroom marko pulls out his phone filled with all these photos of her ass and the bruises and marks on it

He’s so happy to show them off

And I go through and see what she wears 

Collars 

And chains

And really sexy clothing

And there’s all these erotica type photos in his phone

I’m like shocked but aroused and excited for them that you’d never have no idea looking at them they’d be like that

Thy seemed like normal people 

But they were freaks and I liked that they were

Friday guy was getting all red in the face and he looked uncomfortable about his friend showing me the photos

I told him it’s okay

I’m interested and want to learn more

So I exchanged numbers with the girl and I think I’m going to text her one day and ask her about some tips on how to be a submissive

And how to explore this side of me that I am drawn to

They mentioned sex clubs and going there 

And this turned me on

Just wish I had a guy to take me there

I could never go there with Friday guy 

And not even sure Tyrone would be up for that

Wondering if I’m opening up Pandora’s box or some side of me that shouldn’t be opened by being friends with this woman and maybe even joining in on trips to clubs with her

I know that night she was nonstop texting me to go join her and her bf to use their sex swing 

And I know if her bf was a little cuter I would’ve joined but I had no attraction to him whatsoever so that kept me from hanging out with them after the bar. 

So just wondering and asking you- my readers what you think- do you think I should open up this door of new explorations or keep the door closed for whatever reason it’s been closed this entire time for. 

Comment your thoughts please. 

Oh and as for the sex addiction counseling I’m still waiting on a call back- 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Arousing, Dating, erotica, Hardcore, Help, Help wanted, Kinky, Love, Love making, Orgasms, Porn, Porn star, Realistic, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Vagina, pussy, penetrating, Vibrator

To Scream or not to Scream? That is the question. 

So I realized something I guess a little self discovery over time I had come to realize

So when I have sex, or fuck guys I have this fake orgasm voice I mean I don’t know if it’s real or fake but I don’t every remember being as loud and crazy sounding when I was younger 

So I think back to my first love where I actually made love to the man I was with and remember I was loud with him but not crazy loud how I am now. 

With say Monster or Tyrone- so wondering if over the years I kinda picked up on the porn style moans and just went with it because a lot of guys think it’s hot and get turned on by it more during sex, or for the fact that it’s actually me and how I am during sex but it depends on how loud I get depending on the size of the cock or how good I’m getting banged out by a guy? 

I wish I could actually know this answer- but I think it’s different with every guy I’ve been with and for the fact that I actually loved- yea I can’t believe it either- but I loved my first love- maybe with him it was more about the emotional aspects- and actual love making- so the orgasms and moans weren’t as intense and crazy. 

It’s prob random and weird to think about but as I have gone through my fair share of dicks over a span of about 8 or so years I always had it in the back of my mind like what is my true moan- 

did I lose it over time because I no longer love these guys that I’m with?

 Or because I am trying to hard to please them by being a sex kitten or Sex slave and I feel like guys love the sound of a woman screaming, oh god, oh god at the top of her lungs as she’s taking it from the back? 

I know it changes too sometimes depending on who I was with and to feed a guys ego 

I had played a fake orgasm and a few fake moans here and there during my Sexcapades. 

But the question I have for you readers is: 

Do you think it’s possible to lose the real you? If your doing something for a long time a certain way to please others? 

Is it possible that I lost my real sounds of sex, or my real voice when it comes to Sex, or have I just been having off the wall tie snapping Sex that just has me to the point where screaming is the only way to express myself? I’m sure you won’t have the answer but I’d like some feedback on what you think. Just curious.