Posted in Advice needed, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Counseling, Dating, Friend Zoned, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Help, Help wanted, Judgement, Knowledge, Life lessons, New relationship, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

New guy

So I like the idea of having a new guy in my life and I am enjoying the feelings I get when I start talking and getting to know someone new. 

But do any of you ladies or gents, feel like you should keep the way you might feel about the new guy/girl to yourself, in case they turn out to be the opposite of what you hoped they’d be? 
So I’m asking this because the other day in a group text with my sister and gal pal, I am explaining to them about the new guy and how he seems nice and genuinely like a good guy. I go on and tell them all these good things about him and how he does this or that or how he wants to take me here or there. But I wonder in the back of my mind how truthful he’s being. I am on guard that these things he says aren’t truthful and I’m on guard for him to just see me once and not continue. 
Does anyone else fear or worry that the new guy or person they are interested in seeing will flip the switch and be someone totally different? 
I told my sister That whenever I tell people about a guy- the next week or so later I’m out of liking the person or trying with them due to something they did to not make me interested anymore. 

So wondering if this always happens, if I’m not the only one dealing with a scenario like this. 

Comment please if you ever dealt with anything in this blog, so I know I’m not alone in this. 

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Posted in Advice needed, Counseling, Dating, Friend Zoned, Friendship, Help, Life lessons, Military, Rant, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Just a friend

So it’s been a couple months since I talked to Tyrone. He called me today and it was like we didn’t miss out on the last two months seeing each other. We talked for hours about a lot of things, life, school, his new business venture which is taking off for him and the military. Everything was cool when we talked and I enjoy talking to him. He helped me out a lot and helped me with a few things I never even knew before about myself. I feel like he is a great friend to keep in my life. Out of all the guy friends I had he’s the only one left I kept around that I know he respects me enough not to pressure me about the sex thing or he won’t give in to me if I feel like I need to fuck him- and I lose control- he won’t let me go off my path and self destruct. He seems to legitimately care about me. Well he did say I’m a splendid person- hey there’s a first for everything. 

I like him. 

I really like him. And I know he’d be good for me and good to me. 

But like i said in posts before we are both at times in our life where we are bettering ourselves and working hard to get where we want to be with our career and lives. 

So after we talked on the phone and his conversation gave me some courage to talk to the other guy tank- ( I was supposed to go out on a date with in a previous post), I talked to Tank- I’ve been too nervous and blowing him off the last couple months, and sticking only to texting so I could avoid my nerves kicking in or me saying something dumb. We talked for hours and he seems like a nice guy. I agreed to go out with him when he comes in town and we plan to talk on the phone more often and go out. 

So I call Tyrone back and since we are just friends- I tell him about tank. Then we get into a conversation that somehow turned to Tyrone talking about me and him as a couple. I went on a rant how he didn’t want a relationship and I want to date him… and then he gave me some spiel about how we couldn’t cause he’s too self destructive and somehow it won’t work. Well for a brief moment I had hope that I could be with him. And then it quickly got torn down. He said he wants a female to make herself seem to him. Wtf does that mean? I don’t wanna work for it. Or should I have to? I do like him and want to get to know him more. But is it too late since we already had sex and I have it away too quickly? Idk. I don’t know how I should approach this situation. Was it his clues for me to make it known of my feelings for him? Or was it a hint just telling me if I want him I should work so he sees me more. And he says females are the emotional complicated ones. 

Mind is blown. 

Like always when talking to him

Oh well I just figure I am gaining a good friend in this if all else fails. 

God placed him in my life for a reason and I am grateful 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Asshole, Dating, Friend Zoned, Online Dating, Realistic, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Friend Zoned

So I met Anthony through a mutual friend we have on Facebook. He messaged me about a response I had put on my friends page and we started to converse with each other. The conversations were pretty normal ones and he seemed harmless at first little did I know how obsessed he would get with me.

So we chat on Facebook I friend him and he starts liking all my posts and stuff like that. 

He finally has the courage to ask me on a date. 

At this point in my life I was attempting to leave black guys alone for a bit and was going to try and date white guys only even if I wasn’t attracted to them physically.

 I wanted to try and go out with someone who had a nice personality over good looks- so I said yes to the date.

So we go eat at the same restaurant bar I usually take all my new dates- the one close to my house so if I need to jet out of there I am close enough to home. 

So we eat and drink a few drinks and just talk 

We talked a lot and it was cool

He was dressed really nice and he wasn’t at all like his photo on Facebook well he seemed to have looked a bit better……

until the moment he took off his hat

Oye I wish he never took the hat off

He had the worse balding I’ve ever seen for a 33 year old man! 

Ahhh I thought to myself

And then the second thing happened which turned me off beyond compare 

He smiled and those teeth were brown and black

He must’ve been a smoker or a recent smoker 

I’ve never seen anything like it 

I’m not all about looks and I’ve been with a few ugly ones in my day but oh God this was terrible 

So we finish our date and we hug good bye

There’s no way in hell im having sex with that I thought to myself

But as I always think to myself or expect that I wouldn’t do something— I go and do the opposite 

So we continue to talk and text on the phone have a few more dates- well I called them non dates cause I don’t like labels

Labels=pressure which then I run away from. 

But anyway we go on dates and I like the attention and the money he spends on me- 

So we continue to hang out

One night he invited me out to get drinks at his house

It was cool that he had his own place

We got some food and took it back to his house along with a bottle of fireball and some beer

BIG MISTAKE! Getting the fireball- 

I ended up drinking more then I should because I kinda wanted to drink away the fact that he was ugly and that I actually was at his house alone with him. 

What had my life led me to? 

So I drank almost a whole bottle of fireball with this annoying ugly dude- (annoying because he’s obnoxiously loud and always is complaining about his dead end job that he won’t leave because I guess he loves to get treated like shit and used like a pussy) 

Anyway so I’m drunk as fuck by this point that he makes a move and kisses me

My drunk ass takes it to the point we are now naked on his couch

I wish I could burn this memory out of my mind forever but I can not do such a thing- 

my regret and disgust won’t let me forget the way his sweaty hairy fat belly looked with his stubby short hairy legs.

 Dear God as I write this I envision it and throw up in my mouth a bit- yes here goes a few chunks-

So his sweaty hairy body is now on top of me- and I see the smallest dick I’ve ever seen in my life struggling to get up- 

Omg- and not in a, I want you to fuck me now type of way. 

So before he puts his little thingy in my dry puss he goes down on me and gives me oral pleasures

Yea it was okay

Guess the oral was the only thing going for him since he’s 

fat

Ugly 

Obnoxious

Annoying

Balding

And has bad teeth

Damn I’m an asshole 

So anyway he goes down on me and he’s licks me 

It’s

Not the greatest but okay 

So I let out a few moans mostly fake moans so I can boost his ego a bit

Then that’s where it happens after the oral sex I drunk stagger to the steps and fall over with my ass facing him

That’s when he tries to doggy me on the steps

He couldn’t get his little dick inside me 

He was fidgeting and trying to put it in

I didn’t know what the fuck he was doing behind me but it took forever for him to finally be inside me and it was the lightest penetration I’ve ever felt 

I guess since it was so small I couldn’t really feel it well not from doggy anyway

So we go to the bedroom and I plop on the bed 

He wants to try again to put it in

I fake some more moans and he busts

Oh thank God it’s over with

Oh dear God why the fuck did I stoop this low

What the fuck is wrong with me? 

I seriously lay there disgusted with myself for getting drunk and fucking him- 

and I tell him he needs to drive me home, I gotta go home. 

And he did so immediately. 

After that happened he kept bringing  it up and I kept telling him sorry it won’t happen again I was so drunk and shouldn’t have done that

I also lie and say I don’t even remember it- 

I tell him I’m sorry I led him on but I don’t have time to date and I’m not looking for a relationship 

I said we will be friends and that’s all I can be

All I have time for is school

In reality yea I don’t really have time to date but I’ll make time if I like the guy

He repulsed me and I couldn’t imagine having sober sex with him

Actually going out as friends annoyed the shit out of me too cause he was so loud and obnoxious everywhere we went

I continued to friend zone him 

although he kept trying to insist on a relationship 

and how he just constantly responds on Facebook to every post or photo I post with your hot or you are beautiful as always and all this other stuff 

that has me at the point where I’m like knock it off

Cause there’s a few guys I’m trying to talk to on Facebook and he’s fucking it up by his posts

He comes off as if he’s my boyfriend and he’s nothing close to that

He was a drunk mistake that I wish I could take back

I never felt so disgusted about sex with anyone in my life like I am with him. 

And it wasn’t even like it was good- I wouldn’t even call it actual penetration. 

It was like a sweaty fat sticky hairy beast on top of me just plopping in and out on me- with a small sausage link not even hitting the surface. 

That’s how I describe the terrible sex with him. 

What the fuck Sierra you will never get to that point in your life again no matter what!