Posted in Asshole, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Dating, Dickhead, Divorce, emotional abuse, ex husband, Jerk, Life lessons, Narcissistic, psycho ex, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, stronger then before, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Update on the X husband

So guess all those feelings i had for him were daydreams-

I don’t know why I tried with him again

He’s toxic for me and not the one for me

He’s manipulative

A liar

Emotionally abusive

And doesn’t deserve to be with the new me I have grown and become after 5 years away from him!

We ended things- we’ll I ended things with him-

Then saw the true psycho he is

As he went through five different stages within twenty minutes

I love you please stay with me, I need you so I won’t kill myself, I can’t live without you.

Please don’t ruin our family- give me more time, I hate you- I’m better off without you.

I’m taking you to court to get more custody.

This dude literally went through whatever he could to try and make me stay. If it was 5 years ago- I would’ve stayed- but I’ve seriously grown and matured and got stronger- I see through his bull shit now. He never wanted me- he just wanted me to be there living in the same house taking care if our child- doing everything- working, cleaning- taking care of things.

We barely had sex- we had sex a few really good times in the start of our thing and that’s it- I never had that good good sex.

Never had that dripping wet- sweaty waterfall type sex.

We got to the point where we’d argue and it would be exhausting with his mood swings. Like what type of guy will you be today? Always on guard- walking on egg shells- never would be my home- our home together as a family.

He was trying to take me away from my family again- when I am close to my family. Trying to isolate me- to only batter me emotionally- put me down constantly- fatten me up so I won’t leave.

I’m glad I saw through the toxic relationship before it got serious.he wanted another child- I wanted to finish my degree like I plan to. He wanted to stop working and retire although he cannot- and I wasn’t about to work like a slave to pay his way in life.

I left him and said my goodbyes- which is now leading to more hell raised by him- more court dates, more custody issues- guess co-parenting is impossible with him. Nothing is possible with him. Time to move forward and continue to do me!

I’m back on the market- time to explore my options

whether it be with a new guy with just hookups and flings or finding the one who is meant for me- on to my continued journey. All I know is I’m horny as fuck- divorced and ready to explore. Stay updated and continue to read—– more to come!!!!

Stay Tuned.

Advertisements
Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Army, Asshole, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Dating, Dickhead, Help, Help wanted, Jerk, Judgement, Life lessons, Military, Narcissistic, Rant, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Confusion

So why is it that I don’t know what I want? 

It’s a constant battle with me

One minute I want to be in a relationship 

And the next I can’t stand guys and just want to use them for sex

Wondering if other women go through this constant battle like I do

It seems like I’m pushing away any guy who is trying to get close to me

Well here’s a new scenario 

So hot army veteran asks me out yet again at my job

I still was holding on to the fact that he rubbed me the wrong way the first time and rejected me…. 

so I did just that to him when he approached me:

He Walks up to me and asks me what my plans are for the weekend 

I reply with sweat pants and Netflix. 

Which to me is a great night! I love feeling comfortable in bed and I love to watch movies… this was my laSt weekend before classes start up again- so I wanted to enjoy it! 

He says do you wanna go see a movie with me

My reply what movie? Like any normal person would ask cause I won’t see just any movie

Then he gets all rude and upset due to my question and walks off 

After my response of I’ll let you know 

He sends me a long ass text ranting about how he’s not desperate and doesn’t need to go out with me. Then he rants about why I’m asking what movie?!! Dude really? I texted back it ain’t that serious and honestly I don’t think it’ll work us going out by the way his personality is so different then mine. 

This dude got mad at me over asking what movie he wanted to see. Go fuck yourself is what I wanted to say but I was nice about it- like I usually am to asshole guys. I exited that situation before it became a problem. He seems to have anger/control issues he needs to sort out on his own. And if he is in fact single like he says….. I now understand why- he’s a total douche bag! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

And it’s not even like he’s that good looking. Bye Bitch! 

Then there’s this second scenario with Don- yea Don still texts me and has been reaching out to me through social media once I went ghost on him for about a few weeks- ghost meaning I stopped texting him and contacting him all together. 

So Don texts me and asked about the weekend- I guess I had made plans to meet up with him but had totally forgotten about it. Saturday comes and he’s nonstop texting me. When are we linking up- I miss you- I wanna see you- 

The last conversation we had was me telling him that if we remain friends- no sex is involved because I’m working on me- and he said okay. But I know once I see him I’ll give in somehow and I’ll end up sucking his dick/ which to me is getting on my nerves… I would like it better if I got something in return but he seems very selfish and greedy about that. And hasn’t kicked my pussy not once the whole two years I’ve known him so it won’t happen! Anyway off topic.. so he is constantly texting me and I say I’m at a party- which I was but it didn’t last as long as I was portraying it to be. We were just texting so how would he know if I was still at the party or not. Guess texting has its pluses! So he sends another text around 7pm and asks how’s the party. I look at the text and lay back in bed in my sweats with my Gilmore Girls marathon on. If I don’t want to go out with a guy and I’d rather sit in and watch a hundred episodes of Gilmore Girls- I obviously don’t want to be with the guy. I told Don multiple times it’s not gonna work between us- but he keeps pushing it so is that my fault?? Why do guys get so hung up on females? I know he said I give the best oral sex but that can’t be the reason, or can it? I don’t know I’m just getting to the point where these dudes are irritating me. I’m contemplating switching teams for a bit and maybe having my first  girl on girl experience. I don’t know, I don’t think women would be any different then men- my lesbian friend told me it’s not different at all other than the fact of the body parts are different. You still have females who are controlling and narcissistic, and who are players and not faithful to the one they are with. 

So as I go along this journey I wonder if I will continue down this path of leaving these fuck boi guys alone and maybe dive into some pussy- ( no wait I would never do that! I love dick too much- I’ll have a pussy dive down on me! ) or just stay on this dry road of nothingness and just prepare for these sex toys to come so I can cum all alone by myself watching some pornhub. I can live my fantasies through the pornhub videos and go to other places with my vibrators. I won’t have to deal with an annoying guy giving me shit or feeling like they used me or having to suck their dick without anything in return. 

I like the sound of that. I will be doing that until I see my boo boo Monster in a week! I plan to have my pussy destroyed by him- which I know it will be because of his size and because of how long it’s been since I’ve had any penetration. 

Getting aroused thinking about it. 

What do you, my readers think about my scenarios I just shared? 

Maybe I’m just fed up with guys treating me like shit so I push them away! Maybe I’m finally growing in that area and seeing the red flags beforehand. Please leave some comments to this. 

Posted in Army, Asshole, Control freak, Counseling, Dating, Dickhead, Divorce, Love, Marriage, Military, Narcissistic, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

Divorce will be bittersweet whenever it comes to an end. 

So I haven’t talked to much about the fact that I am sorta married still- but my divorce to my abusive ex has been pending for quite longer than I have expected. 

It’s actually going on close to 5 years now and I’m still not divorced! 

Yea every moment I thought I was closer to being free, but nope, not even close.

 The relationship/marriage I had with a narcissist control freak was hell for me.

 If you go read Rehatch that’ll give you an idea of the type of shit I dealt with being married to that guy so I won’t go into it too much. 

But I met him through the Marines where it felt like he was my knight in shining armor. He came to me at a Time where I was battling a few demons and he seemed to push the demons to the side and brighten my day with his smile. 

His smile soon faded and turned to anger which turned my smiles and laughter into tears. 

We dated for about 2 years before I married his dumbass. 

He was a psycho ready to snap. 

He threatened to kill himself on multiple occasions if I decided to leave him or dump him and he was mentally, emotionally and then became physically abusive towards me. I couldn’t wait to free myself from him and the toxic relationship we had together. 

There were times I wanted to kill myself because I wanted it to stop, I wanted him to stop. He beat me down to the point where I lost myself. 

I lost my self confidence, my self esteem and self worth. I started dressing Raggy and bummy and didn’t feel like myself. 

He controlled who I could see and where I could go. I was a slave within my own home. 

I luckily wised up and grew up once I had my daughter and left that terrible man and home behind. 

But to this day I feel like he is still tied down to me and I cant be totally free without the divorce decree telling him that I am finally free- that I won this battle! 

He finally has no control over the fact that he can no longer call me his wife! 

Which he still does, what a nut job, in the back of his mind he still thinks I’m coming back and we’re gonna be together. He tells my daughter that all the time. 

So I am patiently waiting for this divorce decree to come in the mail any day now so I can walk a little taller around him. I can boast about the fact that I am a survivor. I survived his abuse and I was able to rise above. 

That divorce decree means everything to me- it means my freedom. And it will give me my power back! 

Just my thoughts. 

Posted in Advice needed, Dating, Dickhead, Help, Love, Online Dating, Realistic, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users, Vagina, pussy, penetrating

20 followers so far! Awesome……

Kinda shocked that I have at least 20 followers- and feeling kinda proud that people wanna read about my sexcapades and failed attempts at relationships.

Update: 

So I’m trying to figure out how to nicely get rid of Don in my life- like he can’t take the hint that I am always busy.

 I’m a busy woman, a full time mom, and a grad student who is establishing herself so she can have a stable future.

plus I am bored with the usual night time meetings and always giving head in the back of a car. 

It’s weird when I want it I want it but when it’s when a guy wants it, 

it rubs me the wrong way and I am hesitant to want to give it up. 
Who is he to call the shots? 

I’m the one with the pussy 

and 

I’m catching on to his game- 

Or maybe for the fact I have others like Monster or Tyrone occasionally banging me out I no longer need the repetitive bs that me and Don have.

I wonder why I need to have this control? 

Wondering if it all stems from my addiction? 

Do addicts especially Sex addicts need to be in control? 

Maybe it’s not even about control maybe it’s the fact that I’m sick of being used. 

(Even though Don is in this weirdo world that he thinks he’s my bf- I feel like I’m being used)

How convenient to text me today and call me randomly, when you haven’t called me in the whole almost three years we have been friends/talking!!!

I see a missed call from him on my phone( that’s odd so I text back) me: what’s up I’m in school

Don:

I miss my baby he replies. 
Ummm…. okay yea whatever. Thinking in the back of my head- he must need his dick sucked

I lie and say I can’t talk right now and mention maybe doing dinner 

How about 6pm? I say. 

Nah I can’t, the traffic and all this bs- 8pm will work better he texts back. 

I text back I gotta see about a sitter that late- not sure I have one- only had one earlier. Then I stop texting him.

So when he says he wants to make the time I’m supposed to just hop on it? 

Nah dude not me anymore. I don’t need to have him in my life and need to have him saying when things go

yea I see how this shit goes- he plays this shit every time 

Would’ve been dejavu for me- he does this every time- 

(He sounds like what my teenage niece calls a fuckboi)

Pushes the time further back-

Plans to meet for dinner and he ends up eating, 

he says he’s sorry for eating, 

and then we end up stopping at a gas station 

where he buys condoms, 

gum 

and water 

then we drive to our “spot” 

Which in reality isn’t our spot because I actually take other dudes there to fuck them- 

(The last time I fucked Monster in his car we were there- in your face Don- monster has a bigger cock)

but whatever he can have that dream of us having something only for us

That dream with his dream of us actually being a couple which is hilarious to me. 

I’m at the point where I’m just like I hope he gets the hint and just stops bugging me- maybe loses my number for good. 

I mean it’s just annoying to me. 

So how do you get rid of a guy who you’ve been trying to get rid of for quite a few years now? I 

need some advice, maybe I don’t wanna be harsh, maybe I should just say I’m not a relationship type of girl and I have to end it- 

although I recall being down this road before with him and he fights to keep me and we end up just being fwb and everything gets okay for a bit then things get awkward all over again. 

Damn I make things complicated. 

Followers any thoughts on how to gently brush a guy off and ending a  so-called relationship that I really don’t want to take part in?  Any advice would be helpful. 

Thanks guys. 

I’ll have an update on Tyrone possibly Friday- I’m supposed to meet up with him then. 

And I have a real date with a hopefully normal new guy on Saturday- his name is Tank. 

I’ll update you guys on him later. Guess I didn’t totally give up on dating and trying to find “the one”. 

All hope is not lost for me. 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Arousing, Asshole, Dating, Dickhead, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Whatever 

So Don still messages me every few days and he messages me on Friday night like midnight ish. 

Yea you know what that means when a dude is texting you that late- he wants his dick sucked (booty call). 

He texts me he misses me

And I respond with why? 

Why would he miss me, 

he barely texts never calls me and the last time we hung out I peeped over at his phone and saw another females name in his messages- (a slutty looking female from Facebook)

I know for sure he ain’t loyal and he has girls on the side 

So why should I feel special 

So you miss me

Boo hoo 

You only miss your dick in my mouth 

Nothing else I’m sure

If u are into a female you let it be known 

You text and call her no matter what 

Even if you think she’s busy with school work and things like that

I’m sick of dudes with excuses

I want a guy to want me and not have an excuse to call me

Be better to see a missed call on my phone rather than no call at all

Guys need to work a little harder these days

And take your girl out too! 

Nothing wrong with actually going out on a real date! 

Ask the female out to a restaurant or even a movie no matter how cliche that may be

Some females would prefer that over meeting in your car to give you a bj or to do doggy in the back of a dark building

Maybe I am wrong in the fact that I allowed it to get to this point where all I do with a guy is meet up chill and fuck 

But I want more

I want to be asked out on a real date 

When you have to tell the guy you want them to take you on a date- there’s something wrong there- yea I told Don that 

Be taken out to an actual dinner 

Be treated how a woman should by a man 

And not have a million excuses to why we can’t go on a date 

Or go out at a reasonable time of day

I’m sick of just feeling like I’m the nut you are busting and that’s it

I’m worth more than that

Although at times I want to be that sex freak and sex revolves around my life- I want the sex but I also want the excitement of actual dates and going out with the guy I’m into. 

Is it too much to ask for? 

Seems like we live in a society that’s full of booty calls and no strings attached- no one wants to work to impress the opposite sex anymore.

 No one wants to actually treat a woman with respect and take them on a real life date. 

Car sex and dark alley meetings is what guys these days want and look forward to- 

but this female right here is waking up and deciding this is no longer what I want. 

I deserve more.

 I deserve better. 

Rant over 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Asshole, Dating, Dickhead, Masturbate, Realistic, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Creeper. Dick.

So what is the deal with men sending unwanted dick pix and videos of masturbating to females? A friend referred me to his friend named Luigi because he was looking for a gf and was this great guy who may have things in common with me. So I friended him on Facebook, then exchanged number. We texted for about three days straight- talking about our interested and things like that- we seemed to be hitting it off through text- so we planned to meet on Saturday for our first meeting/date. I mention that we should talk on the phone first- he said I’m shy at first so the phone thing needs to wait- this is btw a 43 year old man in talking about here! He’s too shy to talk on the phone, like really? Okay anyway. So we just text each other and plan for a date Saturday. He mentions this app called snapchat which I never used before- so I uploaded:downloaded it whatever it loaded and I added him. We had normal convos and I thought it would stay that way. Little did I know he had other intentions. So I’m out shopping with my daughter and mom and get a snapchat from him. It’s a video clip of his lower half of his body covered with a white sheet. He starts jerking his dick and then flashed me his junk- dude really? I hate dick pix and videos. Men there are rules! You don’t send women unwanted dick any things! If she asks for it then okay! But I did not want or need to see what he was packing! I was so turned off and disgusted, so I immediately didn’t even give him a chance- obviously he was looking for one thing and one thing only/ and I wasn’t about to give it to him. What the fuck do dudes think- yea let me send my video of my dick and she’ll all the sudden want me. Women actually do prefer conversation and a first date before you start with your freak ass videos. Smdh- this guy is making it worse for other guys out there, and now I know why I am single. Makes me never to want to try and have a relationship-just for the fact that there’s creeper ass dudes like this in the dating sea of people.
Rant over.
Luigi I really hope you lost my number and never contact me again. Show your Italian dick to another woman who would fall for that creeper shit before even meeting them!

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Asshole, Dickhead, Realistic, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Vagina, pussy, penetrating

Money isnt everything.

So I want to be real honest about something I have encountered lately. 

I  was asked out on a date by a much older guy, a guy that I wouldnt go for, but I guess i felt bad for the guy and he seemed to really want to take me out. 

So I agreed to the date, even though I knew it wasnt going to go anywhere. We ended up going to a Spanish restaurant to eat, and I was super nervous, because he spoke the language, and I didnt. 

So when the waiter came, he was speaking Spanish the whole time, and laughing with the waiter, while I just sat there staring like, what the fuck dude, really… I have no idea what you are talking about. I hope youre not talking about me, I feel like that is rude, if you dont speak spanish and your date does, dont keep speaking it to everyone, while the person youre with is feeling uncomfortable, at least give me a play by play of what is going on. 

 So the date felt a little awkward because i wasnt at all attracted to this guy, and I only seen him as being a friend. But I ordered a few drinks.. which then turned in to double shots, and its funny I never really believed in that term “beer goggles” but man I had them after I had the 6-8 drinks that night. The drink made me feel happier, more relaxed… not as freaked out knowing he was way to old and not an ounce attractive to me. 

So the night went on, we ended up fooling around in his car like we were teenagers, and it felt good. The next morning I barely remebered much, but then that is when I started getting all these text messages.

 I really like you, you stole my heart… all this nonsense that you dont say to a chick you just went out with for the first time.

 Like dude pump the brakes…

 He started to tell me about how he wanted to fly me here, and travel there. He wanted to spend his money on me.. ALthough the sight of him repulsed me when I wasnt drunk, I thought about maybe taking advantage and just spending time with him for his money and what he can give me. Never will make that mistake again.

 The more times we went on dates, the more clingy, the more texts I received. 

One night when I forgot to text him back… he drunk dialed me.. I have no clue what he was saying in the voicemail because of his thick SPanish accent, but the tone was angry, like he was upset with me for not texting him or calling him back— which is another sign I shouldnt be playing along to this game, you are not gonna get angry with me for not texting/calling back.

This so called travelling and gifts made me attracted to him, and not actually him as a person. 

He was a bit of an asshole. 

While we were talking he tells me that I have gained weight and look a lot bigger from the first time we went out, and when I had mentioned I didnt want to fool around, I lied and said I had my period, cause I didnt want to have sex with his old ugly ass, he said show me proof, let me touch down there to see.

 Like WTF dude seriously.. hell no you arent gonna touch and see for yourself, what kind of disgusting asshole says that and wants to do that..  red flags all over the place. Thats when eyes opened and I knew what I got myself into couldnt continue, as much as I liked the idea of a guy spoiling me with gifts, I couldnt force myself to want to be with him any longer because he disgusted me. I had to stay truthful to myself and realize i deserve better then that.

 and if i felt sick to my stomach at the mere sight of him and the way he spoke… that definetly is something wrong.

 After we parted ways, I told him it was over through text and told him to never contact me again. Yea so a lesson learned in this dating thing.. that i am dreading to continue again… Dont go for the guy who promises to give you gifts and money, especially when he makes you want to throw up at the sight of his face… and his voice makes you cringe, and his attitude makes you want to punch him in the throat.