Posted in Advice needed, Army, Arousing, Dating, erotica, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Life lessons, Love, Military, Missing him, Orgasms, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, Sex, Single, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Bill yummy 

So Bill yum is still in the picture and he’s my random dating guy- fuck me good- long distance lover guy- he’s still living far away from me and he rarely comes to philly to see me other than when he’s up here for Army weekends.

 He messaged me today and sent me the most arousing sexy photo of himself in a towel that was half covering his body and covered up his male part. 

Oh my lawd it caught me off guard and I was smiling and grinning from ear to ear also blushing. I text him back and tell him how fucking sexy he looks. He says he doesn’t believe me and doesn’t think he’s sexy. Yea right how’s he not know? I wondered to myself. 

So anyway we are supposed to hang out sometime this month I think around St.Pattys day and im looking forward to it-

 I’d really like to spend the night At his house again but not sure when I’d be back up that way- if at all any time soon. 

I know it’s not gonna go anywhere with Bill yum but I guess I’m clinging on to the past- 

idk maybe hoping for a future but not sure what the future holds if there is one for us. 

These long distance things are the most difficult- I feel like even being like 30 mins away from someone is difficult cause you don’t know what they could be doing or who they are seeing. Take the situation with Don- he lives in a different neighborhood then me and I always felt like what is he doing or who is he seeing from the distance between us). 

Or maybe that’s where my trust issues come into play and I just am on guard that any guy I am with is out to lie and cheat on me, so trust is hard for me to have. 

When I think of an ideal boyfriend for me, he’d live in the same city and at least the same neighborhood just so maybe it would put my mind at ease a bit on the whole cheating thing-

 but when you think about it if a guys gonna cheat- he will no matter how close or far he lives from you. 
Just a rant of thoughts. 

Thanks for listening. 

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Posted in Advice needed, Army, Bye Bitch, Dating, Friends with benefits, Friendship, Help, Help wanted, Jerk, Life lessons, Loss, Military, Pros vs. Cons, Rant, Realistic, Revelation, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

Pros vs. Cons

Pros vs. Cons of continuing dating/seeing Bill Yum:

Pros

Big dick

Great sex

Makes me oragsm- a lot! 

Makes my body feel good. 

Makes good moon shine 
Cons

Cheap

May be dating/fucking a lot more girls then he says

Lies

Doesn’t make time to see me

I’m always planning to go see him

Doesn’t make any effort

Dresses bad

Dry/boring personality 

Doesn’t talk about anything besides the military and his 3 jobs that I don’t care about

Every conversation is the same

Doesn’t actually take me out anywhere 

Just seems like I’m the occasional hookup 

Doesn’t text/call me first. 

I feel like I’m the only one trying to make it work. Whatever this is 
As I list these pros and cons I see the only pros are the fact that he pleases my body- my pussy and that’s all. Yea making my pussy feel amazing is great and all- but I want more substance. Not being able to converse with someone isn’t a good sign or any kind of friendship or relationship. I know what I must do now. Leave him in my past- where he should’ve stayed. I don’t trust him enough to believe that he’s only fucking me like he claims! So bill yum will just be a name in my past. I’m ready to get on to bigger and better guys who treat me with respect, who want to call me on the phone, who want to spend time with me and who makes the effort to come to my city to see me. 
What do you guys think of this list? How would you react? 

Posted in Army, Dating, Friendship, Military, Missing him, New relationship, Realistic, True life, real, me,

I Finally went out with Tank 

So I had mentioned this new guy in my life named Tank. I met him through the military and didn’t approach him about my feelings for him and wanting to get to know him until after I got out the military. We started talking on the phone and texting since last year around march. We are at the beginning stages of getting to know each other and I like it. 

So we were supposed to meet up a few months back/ the first time I was being too shy and was a no show and made up an excuse and the second time it snowed really bad and I couldn’t go out with him cause I don’t drive well in the snow. So we finally hung out Friday night and it was cool. We talked about the military and I asked about his job. We talked about our interests and he was talking about making future plans to see me and do things with me. After talking to my sister about him, she said it’s a good sign that he’s talking bout future plans with me, so he must really like me. I never thought about that before. But it makes sense. I wanna see him more, the only downfall to this Is the fact that he lived on another state. I live in PA and he lives in MD. My car has made it to Lancaster and I wasn’t even sure it would, now I wonder if it would make it to another state. 

So we had pizza and just talked. He didn’t pressure me to have sex and didn’t even make a move on me, so to me that is a great thing. I told him I wanna go slow, with the sex and all and want to get to know him first. We ended up just making out a lot, and cuddling in his hotel room- yea I know- I’m surprised nothing happened other than that. But it was nice.. it felt normal and great with my body next to his. I fit perfectly on his chest. I told him of my goals and how I want to join the military again after I get my social worker license and he supports me. He’s rooting for me to succeed and encourages me to do the things I want to. He also said he’d help me with exercising and even getting my shooting up at the range, so I’d be ready. He tells me I’m beautiful and makes me feel good. I like the start of this and am looking forward to seeing where this goes. 

Posted in Army, Dating, Friends with benefits, Military, Realistic, Revelation, Sex, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Users

Probably not the right guy for me. 

So I saw bill yum this past Saturday and it felt awkward. He hung out with me, my sister her bf and a girlfriend of mine. We were supposed to go bowling but ended up staying in and playing drinking card games. It was awkward cause I realized that me and him don’t really have too much of a conversation. I hadn’t realized it before cause every time we hung out before I was buzzed or drunk. It’s like things were totally different this time- he kinda annoyed me actually. I don’t know if it’s because I finally went out with Tank and he legit seems like a nice guy compared to Bill yum and I really loved being in his company- or if it’s just due to the fact that me and bill yum don’t really have anything in common but our want or lust for each other. The thing we have is strictly sex ad I’m over that. I want a good guy. I want and deserve a relationship full of trust and respect for one another. So hanging with him around my friends and sister opened my eyes. We barely talked and his personality was dry. I didn’t realize how cheap and boring he is and it turned me off a lot. So we left my sisters house and ended up just driving and watching movies in his car since he was drilling with the Army.it was awkward the whole time- I was a bit buzzed from drinking but I wasn’t feeling it at all. And was wishing I was with Tank instead. Bill yums phone even rang awkwardly when we were together and he thought I didn’t see the name but I did as he quickly grabbed for it to put it away. It said ladybug- probably one of the girls he’s seeing besides me- but I’m getting out of his life for good so I can start something good with Tank, maybe something long term. Not wasting my time with a guy who doesn’t deserve me. Bill yum is just sex to me and honestly we have nothing else in common

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Army, Arousing, Celibacy, Control freak, Dating, Military, Rant, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized, Vagina, pussy, penetrating, Vibrator

Update- Celibacy No More

so ive been celibate the last three months and was so proud of my streak. i done went and fucked it up by first giving Don head in the back of his car- but i figured its not sex so I was still considered celibate. 

then about a week and a half later i met up with Bill Yum after going ghost on him for months- like every other guy i left alone to figure me and my addiction out.
so apparently he moved to a new house and lives with two other roomates who are guys- which is cool. he says he works all the time and hasnt had time for females and was wondering what happened with me. told him i was fighting some demons and trying to get right with myself, so went ghost. 

he texted me the one day or maybe i texted him cause i was getting the itch i get where i needed some dick- so he invited me up his place- whih is two hours away- i agreed and said id come up to spend the night.
felt good to see his face, the past was behind us with the whole cheating thing i forgave him, he apologized. 

i told him how i felt and we made up. so here we are talking catching up and watching movies- when for the first time in a long while i didnt wanna just jump his bones.

 i actually enjoyed our conversation and our flirting. i missed my hands inside his. it felt great to be there with him. so we watched some movies, then all of a sudden he started to finger me on the couch. oh my lawd, it felt incredible! then he pulled off my shorts and stuck his massive black cock in my wet pussy. i screamed cause that was the first time in three months i had a dick in me. i moaned and moaned as he thrust into me. i was going wild as he flipped me over and i flipped back. we kissed and he kissed my body all over. i love the way he feels on top of me. echoes of my screams go throughout the house as i start to cream on his black couch that he shares with his roomates. he thrusts one last thrust and my whole body is throbbing- and i cum everywhere. we finished at the same time.
we continue to watch the movies and eat and just have a couple drinks. then one of his roomates come in from out partying and hes drunk. he falls asleep on the recliner next to us as we continue to watch the movie. by this time im getting sleepy and wanna just go lay in his bed. so i start rubbing on his cock right on the couch next to his roomate. trying to hint to him- im ready to go another round. then i tell him im going downstairs to lay in bed.
i head downstairs and put on my lingerie that i brought to look sexy for him. its a really cute see through pink set i wore in a recent boudoir photo shoot i did. i felt so sexy in it and couldnt wait for him to see me in it.
so i adjust myself and turn on some music. he peeks his head in and sees me wearing it- and says i look sexy, as he grabs my butt. definetly the reaction i wanted from him.
he tells me he will be back in. so i make myself comfortable on his bed. his bed was very soft. fighting sleep, so we could get one or two more rounds in before we actually have to sleep.
he comes in and we talk, then i start to go down on him. placing my wet warm mouth on his dick- and i hear him moan in pleasure.
then i hop on top and start riding him, thrusting back and forth and going wild since its been a while since i fucked a guy. he grips me up and pulls my hair, then spanks me. then i pull out my vibrator which he uses on me as hes fingering me- omg it felt so good. he was telling me to be quiet but i couldnt help myself. im sure his roomates heard everything… but honestly it turned me on more knowing they could hear. We decided we are gonna do another long distance thing- so gonna see where it goes. I will see his this weekend when he’s in town- 

Posted in Army, Dating, Love, Love making, Realistic, True life, real, me,

New guy- date next week

So I have been talking to this guy Tank that I’ve talked about in other posts. And we have really good conversation so far- he seems like a cool guy,  he’s well educated, has his own car, his own place, and has a really good job- all very good things about him. 

He was my former platoon sergeant at my last unit and o always had a thing for him but never said anything cause I didn’t wanna jeopardize his position. So I waited till I was out the military to send him a message on Facebook and tell him that I was into him and wanted to get to know him more. He also told me that he thought I was a nice woman and was very attractive. He asked me to dinner the last time and that’s when I got nervous and never showed the first time. 

So with the courage I got from talking to Tyrone I agreed to finally go out with him and we’re going out next Saturday for the first time. 

I haven’t seen this guy in close to ten months so I hope it’s not awkward or anything. We talk pretty good on the phone together so I don’t think it’ll be too terrible- guess I just have that new date jitters.  

I think maybe he can change things for me with guys. Like I know it’s a new thing we’re starting up but I hope it lasts a while. 

As far as things with Don- he’s back in my life as a friend right now- have no clue where else it’s going to go other than that- 

Posted in Addiction, sexaddict, Advice needed, Army, Asshole, Bye Bitch, Control freak, Dating, Dickhead, Help, Help wanted, Jerk, Judgement, Life lessons, Military, Narcissistic, Rant, Realistic, True life, real, me,, Uncategorized

Confusion

So why is it that I don’t know what I want? 

It’s a constant battle with me

One minute I want to be in a relationship 

And the next I can’t stand guys and just want to use them for sex

Wondering if other women go through this constant battle like I do

It seems like I’m pushing away any guy who is trying to get close to me

Well here’s a new scenario 

So hot army veteran asks me out yet again at my job

I still was holding on to the fact that he rubbed me the wrong way the first time and rejected me…. 

so I did just that to him when he approached me:

He Walks up to me and asks me what my plans are for the weekend 

I reply with sweat pants and Netflix. 

Which to me is a great night! I love feeling comfortable in bed and I love to watch movies… this was my laSt weekend before classes start up again- so I wanted to enjoy it! 

He says do you wanna go see a movie with me

My reply what movie? Like any normal person would ask cause I won’t see just any movie

Then he gets all rude and upset due to my question and walks off 

After my response of I’ll let you know 

He sends me a long ass text ranting about how he’s not desperate and doesn’t need to go out with me. Then he rants about why I’m asking what movie?!! Dude really? I texted back it ain’t that serious and honestly I don’t think it’ll work us going out by the way his personality is so different then mine. 

This dude got mad at me over asking what movie he wanted to see. Go fuck yourself is what I wanted to say but I was nice about it- like I usually am to asshole guys. I exited that situation before it became a problem. He seems to have anger/control issues he needs to sort out on his own. And if he is in fact single like he says….. I now understand why- he’s a total douche bag! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

And it’s not even like he’s that good looking. Bye Bitch! 

Then there’s this second scenario with Don- yea Don still texts me and has been reaching out to me through social media once I went ghost on him for about a few weeks- ghost meaning I stopped texting him and contacting him all together. 

So Don texts me and asked about the weekend- I guess I had made plans to meet up with him but had totally forgotten about it. Saturday comes and he’s nonstop texting me. When are we linking up- I miss you- I wanna see you- 

The last conversation we had was me telling him that if we remain friends- no sex is involved because I’m working on me- and he said okay. But I know once I see him I’ll give in somehow and I’ll end up sucking his dick/ which to me is getting on my nerves… I would like it better if I got something in return but he seems very selfish and greedy about that. And hasn’t kicked my pussy not once the whole two years I’ve known him so it won’t happen! Anyway off topic.. so he is constantly texting me and I say I’m at a party- which I was but it didn’t last as long as I was portraying it to be. We were just texting so how would he know if I was still at the party or not. Guess texting has its pluses! So he sends another text around 7pm and asks how’s the party. I look at the text and lay back in bed in my sweats with my Gilmore Girls marathon on. If I don’t want to go out with a guy and I’d rather sit in and watch a hundred episodes of Gilmore Girls- I obviously don’t want to be with the guy. I told Don multiple times it’s not gonna work between us- but he keeps pushing it so is that my fault?? Why do guys get so hung up on females? I know he said I give the best oral sex but that can’t be the reason, or can it? I don’t know I’m just getting to the point where these dudes are irritating me. I’m contemplating switching teams for a bit and maybe having my first  girl on girl experience. I don’t know, I don’t think women would be any different then men- my lesbian friend told me it’s not different at all other than the fact of the body parts are different. You still have females who are controlling and narcissistic, and who are players and not faithful to the one they are with. 

So as I go along this journey I wonder if I will continue down this path of leaving these fuck boi guys alone and maybe dive into some pussy- ( no wait I would never do that! I love dick too much- I’ll have a pussy dive down on me! ) or just stay on this dry road of nothingness and just prepare for these sex toys to come so I can cum all alone by myself watching some pornhub. I can live my fantasies through the pornhub videos and go to other places with my vibrators. I won’t have to deal with an annoying guy giving me shit or feeling like they used me or having to suck their dick without anything in return. 

I like the sound of that. I will be doing that until I see my boo boo Monster in a week! I plan to have my pussy destroyed by him- which I know it will be because of his size and because of how long it’s been since I’ve had any penetration. 

Getting aroused thinking about it. 

What do you, my readers think about my scenarios I just shared? 

Maybe I’m just fed up with guys treating me like shit so I push them away! Maybe I’m finally growing in that area and seeing the red flags beforehand. Please leave some comments to this.