So I’ve been doing great

These last almost 3 months I have gone without sex

That’s sorta a new record for me and I’m proud of it

It’s hard not to just text or call up him or him to break me off 

And I could’ve really taken Enrique up on his offer to do the FWB thing

So I’m feeling very proud of myself right now

I guess with some self control and understanding I am worth more than just a busted nut I can make things happen for myself and grow as a person who is recovering from what I think is an addiction 

I feel like I can do anything at this point and really have confidence in what I can do professionally without having to think that my addiction will somehow get in the way of it as ruin it… like it once had at one point.

With time and a lot of restraint 

And therapy it is helping 

Although I miss the company of certain guys… especially Monster since we had a little history I know starting things up with him only adds to my addiction and makes me do things and get on a road where it will lead to me being reckless and back to my old habits 

I didn’t like the route I was going down and had actually thought about selling sex for money- and once I got to that point I knew I had to end this. 

I took money from a guy I fucked a few years ago and he expected Sex or a blow job or whatever even though I was just borrowing the money and I felt dirty after and I didn’t even do anything sexual with him. So I know I guess I’m good where I am right now- I have a conscience and it does speak to me. 

So basically the reason of my rant is to tell you guys I’m working hard at this and am doing well. Each day is more difficult then the next not to just flip the switch and say fuck it I wanna do that threesome or have monster fuck my brains out… but I will take it a day at a time and make it happen.