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Confusion

So why is it that I don’t know what I want? 

It’s a constant battle with me

One minute I want to be in a relationship 

And the next I can’t stand guys and just want to use them for sex

Wondering if other women go through this constant battle like I do

It seems like I’m pushing away any guy who is trying to get close to me

Well here’s a new scenario 

So hot army veteran asks me out yet again at my job

I still was holding on to the fact that he rubbed me the wrong way the first time and rejected me…. 

so I did just that to him when he approached me:

He Walks up to me and asks me what my plans are for the weekend 

I reply with sweat pants and Netflix. 

Which to me is a great night! I love feeling comfortable in bed and I love to watch movies… this was my laSt weekend before classes start up again- so I wanted to enjoy it! 

He says do you wanna go see a movie with me

My reply what movie? Like any normal person would ask cause I won’t see just any movie

Then he gets all rude and upset due to my question and walks off 

After my response of I’ll let you know 

He sends me a long ass text ranting about how he’s not desperate and doesn’t need to go out with me. Then he rants about why I’m asking what movie?!! Dude really? I texted back it ain’t that serious and honestly I don’t think it’ll work us going out by the way his personality is so different then mine. 

This dude got mad at me over asking what movie he wanted to see. Go fuck yourself is what I wanted to say but I was nice about it- like I usually am to asshole guys. I exited that situation before it became a problem. He seems to have anger/control issues he needs to sort out on his own. And if he is in fact single like he says….. I now understand why- he’s a total douche bag! 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼

And it’s not even like he’s that good looking. Bye Bitch! 

Then there’s this second scenario with Don- yea Don still texts me and has been reaching out to me through social media once I went ghost on him for about a few weeks- ghost meaning I stopped texting him and contacting him all together. 

So Don texts me and asked about the weekend- I guess I had made plans to meet up with him but had totally forgotten about it. Saturday comes and he’s nonstop texting me. When are we linking up- I miss you- I wanna see you- 

The last conversation we had was me telling him that if we remain friends- no sex is involved because I’m working on me- and he said okay. But I know once I see him I’ll give in somehow and I’ll end up sucking his dick/ which to me is getting on my nerves… I would like it better if I got something in return but he seems very selfish and greedy about that. And hasn’t kicked my pussy not once the whole two years I’ve known him so it won’t happen! Anyway off topic.. so he is constantly texting me and I say I’m at a party- which I was but it didn’t last as long as I was portraying it to be. We were just texting so how would he know if I was still at the party or not. Guess texting has its pluses! So he sends another text around 7pm and asks how’s the party. I look at the text and lay back in bed in my sweats with my Gilmore Girls marathon on. If I don’t want to go out with a guy and I’d rather sit in and watch a hundred episodes of Gilmore Girls- I obviously don’t want to be with the guy. I told Don multiple times it’s not gonna work between us- but he keeps pushing it so is that my fault?? Why do guys get so hung up on females? I know he said I give the best oral sex but that can’t be the reason, or can it? I don’t know I’m just getting to the point where these dudes are irritating me. I’m contemplating switching teams for a bit and maybe having my first  girl on girl experience. I don’t know, I don’t think women would be any different then men- my lesbian friend told me it’s not different at all other than the fact of the body parts are different. You still have females who are controlling and narcissistic, and who are players and not faithful to the one they are with. 

So as I go along this journey I wonder if I will continue down this path of leaving these fuck boi guys alone and maybe dive into some pussy- ( no wait I would never do that! I love dick too much- I’ll have a pussy dive down on me! ) or just stay on this dry road of nothingness and just prepare for these sex toys to come so I can cum all alone by myself watching some pornhub. I can live my fantasies through the pornhub videos and go to other places with my vibrators. I won’t have to deal with an annoying guy giving me shit or feeling like they used me or having to suck their dick without anything in return. 

I like the sound of that. I will be doing that until I see my boo boo Monster in a week! I plan to have my pussy destroyed by him- which I know it will be because of his size and because of how long it’s been since I’ve had any penetration. 

Getting aroused thinking about it. 

What do you, my readers think about my scenarios I just shared? 

Maybe I’m just fed up with guys treating me like shit so I push them away! Maybe I’m finally growing in that area and seeing the red flags beforehand. Please leave some comments to this. 

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Author:

I write about sex, sex and more sex and sometimes my failed attempts at relationships. These are true life stories of what sexcapades I have had in my life. I also write about my search for love an a relationship.

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