So that hot army vet at my job has been eyeing me down for weeks since he rejected me cause I have no time for him- since I’m a full time mom- a grad student and can only hang out every other weekend  with guys. He told me it sounds shady that I can only hang out every other weekend. Really dude? Why the fuck would I lie about when I can hang out? Doesn’t make sense. 

Then he went into a convo about his dad and how he has cancer. Me being me and how nice I am- I say well if you need a friend or someone to talk to- you can talk to me! Big mistake on my part! 

Should’ve just let it alone and kept to myself at work. I have to always be nice and care about people. So we exchanged numbers again. And he texts me and wants to go on lunch break together to talk. 

Ok I’m fine with that- it’s like whatever. Ok not trying to restart or re-attempt to start anything with him since he rubbed me the wrong way last time. 

Then he messages me and says he’d like to go out- and I mention how I am at a point where I want to be in a relationship and have finally learned my worth. 

I mention I’m not game for just fucking around or friends with benefits…. since I have changed for the better and want more in my life. 

That  ended the conversation real quick. 

So basically he tells me good luck with dating and tells me we would only be strictly friends or talk at work and that’s it.

Cause I switch up too much. 

Yea so in the beginning I did just want to fuck him and leave him- like what I used to always do with guys.

 But I really am working hard at this making me better thing.

 And although my blog is about my sexcapades-I am learning to build myself up and learning to realize my true worth. 

I am learning that sex should be more then just sex- it should mean something.

 And I am ready to find a guy that I can have sex with or make love to rather than the usual lets go fuck in the car or whatever. 

So basically he thought he was getting back into my life just to be my friend with benefits- nah dude people change.

 Sorry but I want better for myself. 

I actually have a feeling he’s married anyway- so although he may have rejected me this second time due to the fact that I am recognizing what I am worth- I don’t care cause I think he’s hiding something. 

I really don’t want to fuck or date a guy who is already involved with a female. That was my problem with Don and why I left him alone. I don’t trust guys and guys like Don with the other females texts in their phones makes my trust for guys even worse. 

I’m not focused on looking for love- although I’d like to have it one day soon.

I’ll sit back and let it happen when it happens. 

I’m going on an actual date next weekend 

No sex will be involved 

It will just be a dinner date

No alcohol involved either to add to the craziness that is me which would make me want to have sex. 

So I will do this and then be back to my usual self

I am done giving it away too quickly 

And not showing guys the true me

Because they think I am easy access and that’s all I’m good for 

I like this new me 

I hope i stay around a while