So I’m in a constant struggle with myself to fight these demons that are pulling me every which way.

I know I should put and end to this addiction and take care of me. 

But then again I also think okay just a few more times

A few more dicks

Or I should at least get that three way with a girl I always wanted out of the way then get the help I think I need

The struggle is real

The battle is hard

And I wonder what my decision will be

Should I say fuck it as long as I’m not hurting anyone or myself to just be this undercover addict 

Or should I get the help aNd maybe they could help me understand how to be normal and how to have a meaningful relationship with a guy and not base it off of sex all the time

So I think back to what Tyrone has said to me

He said he knew I was an addict from the way I couldn’t just cuddle with him

I was literally jumping and grinding on him as we cuddled and laid together

And I thought back to every other time I lay with a guy

And I remember I had the same results

Why the fuck can’t I just lay and cuddle with a guy without grinding on them

Pushing my ass into them or trying to hump them? 

To me cuddling was weird enough 

Guess cause I’m not used to it 

But it’s frustrating to know that someone can pinpoint that I have a problem and am unable to be like a normal woman and just relax and cuddle with a guy without throwing myself at them and wanted to get right to the sex. 

So here is my continuing battle and everyday will bring the struggle. 

I will fight it each day and see if I can get stronger or fall weak to it