So I don’t know why but I can’t stop thinking about Don. We just hung out a few days ago and just talked and chilled like we usually do. It seems simple with him- I don’t need to be fake- don’t have to be dressed to the nines- can just be myself around him and he understands me- he doesn’t judge. Wondering if there’s reasons why he’s still in my life. Is he meant to be just that go to friend I need since I’m a little unsure of relationships- or is he still in my life to show me that it’s okay to take that leap of faith and dive in if I care about him. It’s weird cause we tried that dating/relationship thing and I failed it both times cause of my running away.

What messed me up so badly in my dating world that I can’t fully commit to a guy- especially a guy that I’m really into? Wondering if I should try and pinpoint the reasoning behind my repeated actions- or if I should maybe seek counsel on this issue. I do know I have trust issues and I don’t want to be like that especially with him. I would think he’d have trust issues with me since I’m always running, then tying other guys then coming back to him. It’s just weird cause he’s always stuck by me- through all the running- he chased me down- he tried repeatedly to make it work- I guess at some point he stopped trying and won’t chase me anymore- so now I feel like o gotta chase him.

He’s a busy guy doing his own thing- has his own life and I wonder how I mesh into his plans- if I even do or ever could. He could be that long term type guy who would be supportive like he has been of everything I try to accomplish in my life. He pushed me to not give up when I decided I wanted to go to graduate school- he had faith in me when I didn’t have faith or confidence in myself. He cares about me and makes time for me. Just wondering how I can stop the bullshit and just say fuck it lets try for real to be sown thing more.

I often have this question in the back of my mind though- Am I Enough? Enough of everything there is for a guy to want to keep me in their life? But hey is anyone ever enough? I think I’ll do some soul searching- I’ll keep seeing Don and see where it takes me. The feelings for him are there and I am attracted to him physically and mentally- so I guess I’ll just let time take its course. If me and Don are meant to be together, we will be. Glad I have a friend though that I can go to and just chill with, be myself with and not expect anything else but my time.